This weekend, Brigham Young University’s queer students are celebrating Pride. The celebration is spearheaded by Raynbow Collective, a Provo non-profit organization that focuses on creating and identifying safe spaces for LGBTQ+ students, faculty, and staff at the LDS church school. The collective invited allies and queer studentsto chalk the sidewalks just outside of campus as part of the festivities.
Sisters Mari (she/her) and Faith (she/they) spoke to The Prophet about their coming out journey. Both are former BYU students who identify as pansexual
Tell me what it’s like going to an LDS Church school as an LGBTQ person.
Mari: I didn’t know I was queer going into my freshman year. I suppressed a lot of things for a while, probably because it was a kind of defense mechanism. Being at BYU was an isolating experience. I grew up close to my family. Coming to Provo in the fall of 2020 was the first time I’d lived away from home. Since I’m pretty introverted I didn’t make a lot of friends right away, and I felt really really alone. I ended up spending a lot of time in my head, and when you do that you eventually figure yourself out pretty well. I made the decision to transfer from BYU about a month and a half after I’d started classes. I had a lot of anxiety about the honor code because they are very strict rules that have major consequences if you mess up, I didn’t break the honor code, but it got to the point where I couldn’t function. I decided that for the sake of having a successful education and better mental health that I couldn’t go to BYU anymore, and once I gave myself that permission it allowed me to think more about who I am. I felt less restricted. Even though I was still going to BYU, knowing that I was transferring in the fall helped me feel safe enough coming out to my high old high school friends. As soon as I thought it to myself—I’m not straight— told them. I came out to my siblings a few days later. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and an entire world opened up for me. After I’d spent a year in isolation feeling completely alone, I felt like coming out gave me community. I had a better sense of who I was as a person.
Faith: My experience is pretty similar to Mari’s. I lived with my husband in Guatemala. A lot of the time I was there it was really isolating. I loved being in Guatemala, but I couldn’t leave the house on my own. This gave me a lot of time alone, thinking and questioning everything I’ve ever thought about myself. I started talking about the things I’d been thinking about the church and about myself with my husband. When I came back [to the states] for Thanksgiving I was on the plane listening to a podcast, and I suddenly realized—I wasn’t straight. I had all these memories come flooding back, and it was intense. I hadn’t even analyzed myself well enough to understand that I was queer. While I was out here I came out to Mari because by that time she was out, and I knew she would understand. She was the person I was closest to. From there I was trying to understand my spirituality, and ended up leaving the LDS Church and moving home. My ex-husband was a good person, but he had a lot of different ideas than I do. I understand though, because for a long time I dealt with internalized homophobia. When you grow up in a culture that teaches you to hate people for being a certain way it’s hard to break out of that mindset.
You’re both attending different schools now. Tell me why it’s important to you to be involved with BYU Pride.
Mari: For me the work at BYU is very important because I know how isolating it can be for queer student. My hope is that the school will change it’s policy so that it’s safe for LGBTQ people, and that BYU would provide more resources for queer people. For instance, a safe housing project to match queer students with queer-friendly housing. Things like that are pretty basic services at most universities; it’s the standard.
Faith: I’ve been involved in queer activism in Provo since the beginning of the summer. I wish that someday we can work together with a common goal to love everyone, and accept people for who they are and who they’ve always been.
South Provo Prophet 